Yeah, It Sucks Sometimes....But There's Good Parts Too

"I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done." ~ Lucille Ball (American Comedian, film, stage, radio, television actress, "Lucy"). 

These are a few of my favorite things.......

Led Zeppelin.
Smoking cigarettes. Damnit. 
The Atlantic ocean back home. Getting in when it's too cold to get in. 
Body Surfing in the waves. This is my very favorite thing; it boils down to the root of what happiness is to me at my core. 
Reading a novel you can't put down.
My sister drunk, particularly while on a cruise ship.
A good cup of tea or coffee, preferably coffee.
Florence and the Machine.
Mom's cooking.
The smell of fresh cut grass and sawdust. 
Driving with the windows down.
Clean bed sheets.
My bestie.
Closing my eyes and dancing, barefoot.
Men in kilts.
Men with Irish accents.
Listening to friends play acoustic guitar. 
The leaves turning color in the fall.
My Dad.
Bonfires and fireplaces.
Grey's Anatomy.
My tattoos.
Ridiculous songs like The Humpty Dance.
Car dancing. I really enjoy car dancing. 
Jammy red wine.
The word fuck.
Being drunk on a beach in the Caribbean. 
Dancing in the office with my co-worker and office mate. 

That's me. 
That's what I have gratitude for today. 

The Bestest of Friends

"A real friend will clean up the messes you make out of life for you. Even if they shouldn't have to." 
~ Author Unknown.

In this lifetime, not all of us are so fortunate to have the experience and love that comes with having a true best friend. I have been blessed to have the most wonderful best friend imaginable who I honestly feel I could not live nor breathe without. Here's to you, my've made the last twelve years of my life more manageable than they should have been.

What is a best friend?

The person you can purchase a breathalyzer and pregnancy test with to use on the same night from the Dollarstore, while laughing hysterically about it in the line up to the cash register.
`           The person you can drop your pants in front of while standing in your living room to show them your ass while exclaiming, “dude, what the fuck is this all about?”
            The person you can get drunk with on the phone after experiencing a fucked up life event that they should have been there for.
            The person you can stuff a cat into a box with to “dispose” of it for the greater good of the household because, "that fucking cat is nuts."
            The person you can call out as a “fucking asshole” without fear of rejection.
            The person you can pee with in parking lots outside of bars in well lit areas.
            The person you can sneak into a province with to have uninterrupted quality time.
            The person you can trust to intervene on your behalf when you are making out with an idiot in a bar because you’re so drunk you can’t see straight.
            The person who will drag your retarded ass out of that same bar to pour you into a cab because you’re too drunk to be at the bar and are making a scene.
            The person who gives you pep talks when you are feeling like you don’t even know yourself anymore.
            The person who you tell, “I’m not gonna do that again,” just before you do it again and they don’t pass judgement.
            The person who you can look at and say, “dude, what the fuck are you wearing” and it’s all okay.
            The person who you talk to on the phone while having a shit.
            The person you can call in the middle of the night because you’re drunk and “just want to say hello” and they don’t get mad.
            The person who is normal when everything else in the world is fucked up.
            The person who you can watch an hour long TV program with over the phone.
            The person who knows what you need to feel better and does what they can to give it to you.
            The person who you can describe to, in detail, fucked up sexual encounters, including when “the asshole’s fucking dick didn't even work.”
            The person who you tell when you've bought an awesome new sex toy, including descriptions of exactly how it works.
            The person who saves you from having to spend too much time with your family.
            The person who will come up with awesome, well thought through lies and excuses to get your sorry ass out of a mess you've created.
            The person you can tell, “I slept with a married guy/guy who was half my age” and their only response is, “fuck it, was it fun?”
             The person you can ask, “do I look terrible in this” and they will answer with an honest, “yes, take that shit off."

Holy Hell

"Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose."  ~ "Kevin Arnold" (The Wonder Years)

To attempt to sum up the past two months of my life in Africa would be an exercise of futility, an impossibility; I couldn't possibly capture what I have done, what I have seen and what I have grown to love with a fondness I knew nothing of a couple months ago.  Being back in Canada for the past ten days has been a mind-fuck, that's for sure and I have grown to love the phrase "I have a head full of fuck" because it's the only thing I can say that even comes close to describing my experience of transitioning back into "real life." Real life - what a joke.

I wouldn't say I'm bitter about being back but I'm not happy either. I'm lonely - that would be accurate - but, it's a loneliness that makes me want to isolate myself from others because being around them doesn't make me feel any less lonely. I think it's because I am lonely for a place, for a feeling and an experience that was brought about by the life I was living. Everything here seems so obnoxious, so fast, so absurd.

This will be a process, I'm aware of this fact. And, when my head is less full of fuck, I will write more and talk all about the beauty of what I experienced. But for now, I'll be "fuckity headspace magoo," a title recently given to me by a friend who gets where I'm at. It's fitting.